4AM ramblings before falling asleep.

[i wrote this last night but am posting it now.]
i am SO SICK from all the different & american foods i ate the past couple days on the road trip. my mom and sisters stayed up until we got home which was fabulous. [madeline tackled me as soon as i walked in the door, mom met me in the living room by the pool table, and i went in the other living room and tackled angela. then madeline told me to pick up our dog, lucie’s, puppy that angela named crackers. so cute. of course i’ll add pictures soon...then i picked up lucie. i said holding crackers was the closest thing to holding matthew and my mom said that since she’d probably pee on me, it’s more like it than i think haha...] about four hours ago, i was moaning and crying because i felt so sick and was scrunched up in the back seat even more than i was when i went on that mini-tour with dave mats, matty and ben-v. ...and i called my mom crying, telling her she just HAD to go buy me some young coconuts at the grocery store because i needed the water because i’m borderline dehydrated and whatever.

so she told me to take advil and buy some gatorade at the next gas station...my brother had to help me get out of the car and i probably looked like a crazy woman wandering around inside the casino/wendys/gas station place...

i finally cried myself to sleep [it wasn’t as bad as the night before when i was crying over leaving jamaica] and woke up just as we drove into town. the closer we got to home, the more and more i had this overwhelming peace wash over me.

first time that has EVER happened. especially in the last 6 years. especially since last year. so, wow. then i just wanted to check this thing one more time. and here my jamaican song one more time [because not only is my ipod dead, but i haven’t put any dancehall on it yet]...

i still need people to pray for my heart because i accidentally fiercely fell in love with baby matthew and in the middle of the night, i get really sad knowing that if he’s not placed in the right room for the night [if he sleeps in a crib in the girl’s room without me there, nobody hears his faint cry and he’ll scream and cry for so long and go unnoticed and he’ll panic that he’s being starved again like at the hospital. if he’s placed in the baby room in a big crib with another baby, they never close the window by that specific crib and he will get way too cold, and he has a chest cold. if he shares a crib with another infant in michelle’s room, then everything’s fine and dandy, for the most part...] of course i know he’s well taken care of at robin’s nest. it’s a really great children’t home.

anyways.

peace to all and to all a good stinkin night.