just a little something. i sound so young, it's annoying

i'm really lonely, but who do i tell?
i feel [and am] far away from my closest friends, and i don't even feel close to them any more since it's been so long that i've been able to spend time with any of them. i don't know that there's an issue of growing apart from anyone, it's just this killing distance...in spite of all the emails, blogs, websites, text messages and everything else, i still feel like i don't know anyone anymore. like i am alone.

it's just that kind of moment right now when you'd call a friend and just talk on the phone or meet somewhere in town or in the neighborhood and even though my phonebook has plenty of numbers, i don't know that i can call any of them for moments like this any more.
sometimes i just want to be back in jamaica. just taking care of a baby all day.
but i really want to be here too and i'm happy for that. it's pretty sweet that i get to spend time with family friends every couple of days...

but when i'm alone, i feel undone, and then my heart and mind feel alone. keeping in touch is so important, but so easy to be lazy about. now, i hurt.

i want to be joyful and be remembered for laughter and smiles...when i write sometimes though, it's like a flood of sadness or what feels like superficial happiness even though sometimes i really am happy.

i just need a friend.
i want my friends.