my hands are cold...

the oreos are calling my name from the pantry.
but i know my body really doesn't want that...

joseph and riley are going to wake up from their naps annnny minute now.
it's so great taking care of them a few times a week.
[pictures...maybe videos coming soon]

haven't been biting my nails, so typing feels weird...

it's cold and windy here. i miss jamaica. i've been told some people who were just there took a picture of baby matthew for me. i'm looking forward to seeing it...

my sisters and i are going to try to sell some of our clothes this summer.

madeline's birthday yesterday was fun...angela and i surprised her at school [thanks to her friend brittany for getting her out long enough for us to decorate!] and spent some time walking around campus and hanging out in her apartment eating delicious snacks [uhh...cake, cupcakes, water, muddy buddies aka puppy chow you know what i mean?, german black licorice candies...] and watching jamaican music videos on youtube [so fabulous]...and we drove home in time to see the american idol results show.

i haven't cooked much lately. miss that. but mom's been cooking amazing meals, so that's why and i can't and wont complain!

I STILL HAVEN'T VISITED HUME YET! grr...

the only friends i've seen since returning from jamaica, not including relatives, are travis oberg, david kalani matsumura, and jenny middlewithane hugo. and that was for only a tiny amount of time on a sunday morning at church in santa cruz. it was so nice, but i want timmmmmmmmmmmmmmmme with friends. man. you know?

so many people i know are all of a sudden married or are getting married. wow! that's just crazy. i didn't realize i was THAT out of the loop when i was in jamaica. it's great though.

oh. here is something like what i posted on myspace recently, and i didn't get around to putting it here:
"no sleep, no matthew" posted at nine minutes to one am on whatever day that was...
i've been finding myself unable to sleep through the night for the past two weeks. it is so weird. if i stay up past 9 or 930, which has become always, i have trouble.

last night, i think it's because i drank yerba mate and two cups of coffee after 4 or 5pm. some nights, i think it's because i have too many blankets. [before jamaica, i'd just use my down comforter, and in jamaica, i had a sheet and a small quilt. now i have a sheet, two blankets and a comfoter, but it's not my down one that i like so much because it's packed in my old room.]

most nights, and i'm sure what's the real reason for this ridiculousness, i know it's because there's no matthew in my arm/on my tummy/next to me.



i'm not so sad about it any more [though i miss him. sometimes a LOT]...but i din't think i'd still be noticing so much that he's not with me...it's been a while since i left, you know?

i'm sure everyone's [well the few people who read this] sick of hearing the same old-same old...i don't really talk about much else...

tomorrow [well...today since it's past midnight. but i don't call it "today" until the sun is up] my sister madeline turns 20. now that's just crazy to me...

good night. i already brushed my teeth. all i have to do is climb into bed. geez.
-end-

well. i hear joseph playing upstairs. better go get him.
and no i wont eat the oreos. nonono