SAVED HIS LIFE.

wow!
i got an email from michelle robinette today...she was responding to one i wrote a few days ago, asking if matthew's gained weight...
she told me that he's gained four pounds since i left! [so he's up to 15lbs at 4months old] and she said "HE LOOKS GGGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!"

and...this is the best part...
she said, "you saved his life for real"

that means SO much to me.
helps me have peace.
i still miss him like crazy...

but her telling me that affirms what i wouldn't believe before...that i was really used to save this baby's life. God could have used anybody, and would've used someone else if i wasn't there...but i do know that if i wasn't spending HOURS day after day at the hospital, he would have died. and even once he came home, if he didn't get 'round the clock nurturing/skin on skin treatment/someone learning him so well to be able to meet ALL his needs immediately...he was still at high risk of dying. and i got to save his life.
it took giving him mine while i could.
and i would do it again. every day. all the time...i don't care what it took out of me because there's nothing better than giving everything you have to save someone else. ahh i miss him so much. i wish i had new pictures of him. i want to see him so bad. now, i need to go to sleep. i haven't been able to sleep lately. but that's kind of normal haha...

well.
good night.
and i'm glad american idol turned out how it did tonight. KLC did really well yesterday, but i'm glad my favorites weren't in the bottom three and i'm glad syesha didn't go home. but i'm not voting or anything. anyways. yeah.

this looks like the emails i'd write to my cousins when they were living in bolivia when i was in elementary school/junior high...saying goodbye over and over again.

yeah.